It was a good day to be a tabloid publisher. You gotta know you’re going to sell newspapers when one famous guy admits he’s the father of a long-denied love child and another gets photographed (allegedly) at a clinic for sex addiction. All in one day. That’s good stuff. If you’re in the tabloid business.
For the rest of us, it’s either great fodder for the watercooler or something to think about in our own lives, and probably both.
I’m struct by the similarities between the stories of Tiger Woods and John Edwards. Both had torrid affairs, (multiple dalliances for Tiger and one we know of for Edwards) hurt their wives, damaged their children, and had a propensity to deny any of it ever happened.
But here’s the thing that intrigues me, the thing you have to wonder: Would either man have come forward and admitted his extremely bad behavior had he not been caught? Me thinks not.
Had Tiger not gotten whacked (again, allegedly) with a golf club by his outraged wife and had Edwards’ former aide not been about to release a tell-all book, they’d probably both still be living in the city of denial. That’s sad.
It’s sad because redemption and healing can only come when the guilty party comes clean…and not only comes clean but is truly, truly sorry for his actions and the hurt he has caused. Of course, God is the only one who can really judge whether someone is truly, truly sorry but God’s in the business of gauging these things. He’s all about forgiveness, He does it a zillion times a day, and I’m sure just loves it when one of use recognizes the bad we’ve done and wants Him to love us anyway.
There’s been a lot of talk about the wives in these stories, Elizabeth and Elin. And there should be. They are the ones who’ve been betrayed. They are the ones these guys said vows to. And maybe one day both women will be able to forgive their husbands, whether or not they stay married.
But at the end of the day what’s most important is how Tiger and John Edwards move forward from here. True healing will only happen when they can get on their knees and say, ‘You know what God? I screwed up. I screwed up big time. I hurt a lof of people and I’m sure I hurt you. And truthfully, I”m glad I got caught because now I can honestly face what I’ve done. I know there’s power in forgiveness and I’d like to tap into some of that. Forgive me. Help me to forgive myself. Help those I hurt to forgive me. I want my new life to begin today, right now, and all the horrible things that I’ve done to be wiped clean.” (We Christians believe that’s only possible thru the blood of Christ.) They say that and really mean it and it’s done. Done. God will not only forgive them, but give them the power to move on.
We may see Tiger back on the Tour this Spring and chances are his career will survive this. John Edwards’ political career may be over but he’s a smart guy and will no doubt come back in some form. We may never know what happens in their hearts, between them and God. Or then again, we proably will. Being famous guys I predict hefty book deals down the road. We can only hope for sincere transparency. After all, enquiring minds want to know.
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January 27, 2010 at 1:13 am
Steven A. Hansen
Dear Kimberley…
I’m always so impressed with your words and the way you line them up
and how they feel and what they say. You are gifted with these things Kimberley and I think we all would like to see a lot more of what you have to share. Perhaps this is available and I’m just not aware of it yet? If so… please advise!!
This is such a significant topic you often touch on in one way or another… why do men’s hearts seem to fail them? Are these not real men in Tiger and John that you are discussing here? Why have these seemingly strong and successful men failed so miserably in that one most important of all earthly relationships? This Lew from your book… why could he not make that simple choice to give you want you wanted and him what he likely really needed… a marriage… a family… love, fidelity, and devotion?
I love that part of your book on page 49 when you speak of feeling the effect of his love on you and the way that seemingly changed your entire outlook on life… you wanted to be this wife / mother person for this man and your career at that point was out the window! What an incredibly lucky man to have someone like you respond in that way and yet he chose to walk away? Was he really hoping for a bigger house or a nicer boat instead? Don’t know… haven’t followed Lew’s life… but I hope he got whatever he really wanted… most of do in life and we certainly will in eternity… we will get what we choose!!
You should always hang on to those feelings of wanting to be a wife and a mother above all else… God will reward you for those feelings and those yearnings whether in time or eternity… He will grant you your heart’s desires!! What is time compared to eternity? Well… when you in the midst of time it can seem like a lot but in reality it is nothing… always make your choices with an eternal perspective!!
As you know from our brief facebook discussions… I’ve been married for over 20 years and we will have this tenth child in two months. I was blessed to marry a girl who was willing to be for me what you wanted to be for Lew… a wife and mother above all else. She has always been that and nothing more… thus our marriage has always been filled with love, fidelity, and devotion in so many respects and I’ve never made the mistake that either Tiger or John have made… not even close!!
But I know these issues… I know why men’s hearts fail them and while I haven’t made their mistakes I’ve certainly made my own emotional mistakes in the thoughts and feelings I choose to create and carry at times. I haven’t traveled the path far enough to get to where John or Tiger are at but I know these paths of thought and intent are out there… I’ve traveled far enough to feel of their realities and the damage they can create!!
We live in a world saturated with these issues and we’re surrounded by it on every side it would seem. As you point out… the Tabloids have a hay day with this stuff because it sells! News services have endless fodder to pull viewers in as we celebrate the moral failures of others and in these failures… seemingly find greater acceptance for our own. How often do we hear of a story of fidelity and devotion? Why doesn’t the good have power to pull people in as much as the bad?
I have to go run two miles in flying snow with son number two, he’s getting ready for track… I’ll be back!!
I’ve learned I’ll be going to the daddy / daughter dance down at the grade school in the near future and since I have K, 2nd, and 4th grade daughters I’ll be in for a very busy evening!!
But I so much agree with your comments Kimberley and would want to point out the following which men like Tiger and John often fail to appreciate… we are all spirit children of God and we can each do a lot to discover, develop, and enhance this spirituality… it can grow within us every day of our lives! His Son was our perfect example in these things… seek for the spiritual and deny the inappropriate wants and temptations of the flesh.
It is so easy for any of us and certainly all of us have in ways and at times… so easy to get caught up in this world and its lies and deceptions. When we fail to grasp the spiritual realities of who we are and what we are really made of then damaging and devastating choices like John and Tiger have made can often occur. We must feed and care for this spiritual self just as much and even more than we feed and care for these mortal bodies. We do this with words either read, expressed, shared, or written… that is how we most powerfully feed and nourish these spirits within!
As you point out and as Christians we know… Christ not only showed us the way… He made it possible for us to walk the path… even after we fall and as many times as we fall and desire to get up again… He is there and can pull us back to it through His infinite atonement which is always available and always in force… that victory has been won… it is a sure thing… the only question is us and our response to it.
But so few really do avail themselves of these things when mistakes like this are made. Confessions only come forth when realities are known and hearts are only contrite to the extent required by a confused and entertained mass of people. You are so right about this though… only God can know their hearts now or in the future and few that I know including myself would be prepared or worthy to throw rocks at anyone for moral mishaps… these things are for the God of Heaven alone to judge.
But one thing we know is certain… we will all stand before this eternal judge and will give an accounting for our time here on this earth and there are few things which will be of greater interest to this perfectly loving and faithful Heavenly Father who is also the perfect example of fidelity and devotion to his children… few things will be of greater interest than how we have performed in our marriage and family relationships. Sports, political, business titles… even impressive bank accounts will do nothing to enhance our position when we stand before this eternal judge!
We should always hope for the best for all our brothers and sisters in these things and pray for appropriate mercy but should they seek to celebrate their infidelities by cashing out on books filled with vain apologies and excuses… should they do that they will heap upon themselves an eternity filled with anguish at the weaknesses they developed and championed during their time on earth.
They will see that they wasted the days of their probation when they might have sought the help of a loving Savior but instead put his atonement to open shame and while mercy will likely save them from an endless hell, justice will also grant them the rewards of their choices… Infinite and Eternal!!
But you my dear friend… God will also reward you for your righteous efforts in championing the cause of marriage and family and the fidelity and devotion that is required therein. You may not find all the rewards you deserve in this life but you can take this truth to the bank… God will reward us according to our choices in all these things and to the extent that you seek them… He will certainly bless and reward you!!
Take care!!
February 21, 2010 at 8:01 pm
allison
thanks. what is the deal with adultery these days, i mean we know this goes on all the time, but why is God dealing with this so promenantly now as opposed to in the past. Interesting. Would what is going on in the heavenilies.